Kirby Lee
Offering companionship, support and presence to those navigating advanced illness, the aging process and end of life.
In-person in mid-Hudson Valley, NY, and online accompaniment available.
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Death, like birth, is a sacred time. Death is not a medical event, rather a human, family and communal event.
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The dying process is a whole new life stage that in itself should be handled with conscious holistic care. It’s about feeling nurtured, respected and considered as a whole being with a mindful approach to foster presence, healing and connection to the mind, body and spirit. It is important to learn about a person’s traumas, fears and anxieties, and their desires and needs, so that you can consciously care for them through the end and beyond.
This knowing informs my care.
OFFERINGS
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END-OF-LIFE CARE
As someone with experience as both a Home Health Aide (HHA) for Hudson Valley Hospice and an End-of-Life Doula, I am unique in that I provide holistic care that meets the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of individuals and their families during the dying process. My dual expertise allows me to seamlessly combine hands-on physical care, such as bathing, nurturing, and conscious body positioning and gentle movement, with compassionate presence. By bridging these roles, I can offer continuity and a personalized approach, easing physical discomfort while creating meaningful moments of connection and peace. This integrated care not only supports the person who is dying but also helps their loved ones navigate the transition with greater understanding and comfort, embodying a whole-person approach to end-of-life care.
I offer compassionate inquiry and deep active listening, making meaning around the story of one’s life, including being with the emotions that arise from unresolved grief and regrets. Oftentimes, there is inspiration to complete creative projects, often referred to as “legacy projects,” and I happily assist in that. Whole being themes such as cultural, identity, physical, mental, emotional are addressed. If it feels aligned with the present needs, spiritual care is offered which can include facilitating rituals, prayers, meditations, etc. aligned with your beliefs.
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BEDSIDE VIGIL
I like to think of vigil time as keeping the candle burning. This is a time of wakefulness and presence. I keep the person comfortable. I let the family know what is happening, normalizing this natural process that is unfolding. This time is for focusing on comfort, reverence and peace.
During this liminal time, the circle of care and loved ones may want to build an altar, sing, pray, sit silently, meditate, share stories, burn incense or share a meal around the bedside, for example.
If there is a thoughtful plan on how to care for the loved one when spoken language is not available, then the loved ones can feel more assured that they expressed their love and respect through the last breath and beyond without regret and this can greatly support their grief process.
I believe that the moment of death, following a terminal diagnosis, should not be viewed as an emergency. I offer support in preparing for these moments, creating a safe space and offering support to any ceremony or ritual that was a part of the vigil plan.
I educate, advocate and root the space.
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AFTER-DEATH CARE
My services include caring for the body after death, guiding families in after-death plans, and supporting those who wish to hold home funerals, creating sacred spaces to honor their loved ones. This can be an important part of the grief process, allowing families to connect with their loved one in a deeply meaningful way. I assist in preparing the body with reverence and care, ensuring it is treated with dignity throughout the process. I also support families in navigating any legal or logistical aspects of after-death care, including liaising with funeral homes, cemeteries, and other services to make arrangements.
I am knowledgeable about local eco-friendly options and other local resources. I also help families find ways to work within their budget. I advocate for transparency when communicating with funeral homes. Planning ahead can help alleviate some of these hidden costs.
With all of my services, I am supporting and caring for the circle of loved ones as well but especially with the after death care. This is a time for the family and community to come together in their act of mourning, and I help create and root this space alongside any celebrants, funeral directors, priests, etc.
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When caring for someone, I arrive with the intention to show up in the fullness of emptiness so nothing distracts from love itself. I arrive in the present moment without expectations, fears or limiting beliefs that may interfere with the most natural and sacred process before me.
May it be so.
exchange
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I recommend our sessions be 1-2 times per week for 3 hours per session. This is how hospice originally started and now the visits are around an hour. I will assist in ADLs with mindfulness while finding a comfortable flow to work with emotions that are arising.
These 3-hour sessions are $150
If online, 1 x week, 90 minute session $100
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Vigil Planning Sessions: Suggested 2-3 sessions $100/ session with booklet to help guide
Vigil Support $50/ hour
If accompaniment will be provided in person through the end of life, including vigil, after death care, etc., client will not be charged hourly and a separate mutually-agreed upon package will be created.
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Services include and rates to be discussed:
Caring for the body: ritual bathing, dressing; preparing body for funeral home or for a home funeral $50/ hour
Home Funeral Guide: Organizing and creating a sacred space for ritual and ceremony for mourning and remembrance $50/ hour for planning and preparing and $100/ hour for the funeral itself
After Death Logistics: liaising with funeral homes, cemeteries, crematoriums, hospice, etc. $50/ hour
Final Disposition: Supporting process of making body disposition plans - exploring different options $50/ hour
Family support: Advocacy around the deceased's wishes, education, grief and bereavement support $50/ hour
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I’ve been told that it can feel frustrating to feel the pressure of “making the most of the time that is left.” While it’s important to make connections and experiences meaningful, it’s more about continuing to be in the present moment, experiencing life in the body through the senses so that we may more fully experience moments of pleasure and joy alongside any fear or pain.
about me
I am an End-of-Life Doula and Conscious Caregiver, offering gentle companionship, witness, and advocacy during this sacred time. I am deeply committed to the community death care movement, believing it is essential for supporting our aging population in the face of the caregiver crisis in the US. I am an advocate of living and dying consciously and I strive to do that each day.
Before becoming a certified doula, I spent years working as a manager for musicians. I traveled and lived with the communities I served, supporting the birth and transitions of projects and the overall wellness of the community. I was especially passionate about collaborating with artists who used their platform to support social justice campaigns.
I was feeling pulled in another direction and my path led me to Central Mexico, where I immersed myself in community death care, training alongside a team of doulas with the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation for two years. The all-intensive coursework and working in community in Mexico was very transformative. I then moved to mid-Hudson Valley, NY, and helped create The Seventh Sense Care Collective and did hands on care for The Circle Home in Kingston, NY. I am currently a Certified Home Health Aide and Vigil Doula with Hudson Valley Hospice. I am a member of the National Home Funeral Alliance, Omega Home Network, National End of Life Doula Alliance and INELDA.
Over the years in this field, I have been fortunate to train with and learn from doulas and midwives including Felix Chancellor, Wilka Roig, Marisoul Maldonado, Luisa Fernanda Ruiz Montiel, Henry Fersko-Weiss, Deanna Cochran, Anne-Marie Keppel and Sarah Kerr. I am certified in herbal end of life care from Sage Mountain Botanical Sanctuary and have done coursework on creating burial shrouds.
Nature, my dreams, and those I have had the honor to accompany through the dying process have been my greatest teachers.
I currently reside in the Catskill Mountains of NY, serving Woodstock, Mount Tremper and Phoenicia most closely and open to traveling in Ulster and Dutchess Counties. I (still) enjoy music, cooking, aikido, being in nature and with animals, reading, gardening and writing.
Tena C.
“Kirby is compassionate, responsible, empathetic and supportive. She worked wonderfully with my blind, 98-year-old father, and the other members of his care team… When it came time for hospice, Kirby was knowledgeable about what was needed. Her stong, quiet presence supported all of us. She fit right in with the family and friends who came to visit my father, and, most importantly helped me understand how to prepare for his passing in both practical and spiritual ways. I cannot recommend her more strongly.”
Jake J.
“Kirby is a kind, caring and empathetic human. She is a blessing to any family looking to have care.”